On love.

My perceptions on love feel a bit skewed. I try to be realistic, but I’m also a hopeless romantic & I will always have newfound hope for something better waiting around the corner.

All things come to an end. Whether it be through the fickleness of teenagers, or slipping into the depths of old age. But this is especially within teenagers. When 15 year olds turn to each other after going out for one day & profess their undying love for each other, it makes me sick. It trivializes love, it makes it silly, a passing fad. “I’ll be with you forever”, & then they’ve broken up in a week’s time. It may be a bit harsh to judge all teenagers like this, because it’s not like I haven’t ever been overcome with infatuation. But I’m talking about when it happens in the extreme sense. Anyone has enough sense to know that saying “I love you” to someone you’ve been with for about 3 seconds is a lie. I don’t know whether it’s for the sake of the other person, a way to convince them that their enterprise is honest & true, or if it’s just one massive trend that affects every teenager, that makes them feel accepted or that they belong. It pisses me off nonetheless.

I don’t think I ever have loved someone besides immediate family & 1-2 friends. I don’t think I will know what love is until I’m much older. Sure, there’s that 3% who experience genuine love in a romantic relationship during their teen years. But that’s 3%. Who’s to say you’re special enough to be in that 3%?

Things always come to an end. It’s just a matter of when, & enjoying it while it lasts.

The air you breathe.

I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed & that necessary.

Trust your heart. Trust your story.

Personal.

I know that people aren’t interested in my personal life. Which is why this is what it is - personal. For nobody else but me. In doing so, I don’t have to be verbose. I don’t have to keep up the pretense of being wordy & intelligent & politically correct. I don’t have to worry about the possibility of offending someone or what people think.

I try to refrain from posting overly sentimental, personal things on the internet. My Twitter, my blog, my Facebook have all been infiltrated by the people I know in person. And it sucks. Because sometimes all I want to do is crack open a pink flower infested journal & write “Dear Diary, today sucked."

BC is BS.

After spending 20 minutes on the phone with a my insurance company, I FINALLY get to the right department:

Automated Voice: Please tell me your ID number.
Me: ##### *Sneeze* ##.
Automated Voice: We're sorry. We could not find anyone by that ID #. Thank you for calling BCBS. Goodbye.

Me: ..... Mother F#&*$&$*!

Double-edged comfort.

My thoughts tend to sound better in books I didn't write & in the songs I didn't sing. Even then sometimes there is no piece of literature, no song, no work of art that can really explain the way you feel. There is a double-edge comfort in knowing that no one really knows.

Commitments.

Well I did it. I committed. I've thought about it for a while & decided it was time.

I've finally entered a restaurant’s phone # in my cell. I got tired of looking it up so this time when the phone prompted me to add it to my contacts, I did. Congratulations Korean BBQ. You've won this round. God save you if they ever open up any In-N-Out’s here in the east coast. I'll delete you faster than the "I <3 you" virus.

Hello delirium.

I have been awake for 20 hours & 18 minutes. Kill. Me. I'm trying to get my sleep schedule back on track by wearing myself out to the bone. I am tired. I am hungry. I am dizzy. Hello delirium. Hello writing a blog that make no sense. 20 hours & 19 minutes. I'm insane.

Reason #2857

Reason #2857 Why I Miss California: 3 words - Carne Asada Fries.

Lady Gaga.

Love is about danger, always. Love jumps off cliffs, love is irrational. It keeps you alive & it destroys you. The search for love provides nourishment for your artistic soul. I’m afraid that as soon as you really find love, there won’t be anything left to write songs about.

- Lady Gaga