My Mom & eHarmony.

So my mom had a conversation with a friend who was entertaining my mother with a story as to how her & her newly-wedded husband met. Apparently, they met on an online forum which peaked my mother's interest. So of course, she decides to enlist my help.

MOM: Anak, have you ever heard of eHarmony?
ME: *Stops typing on her laptop* ... Yeeaaahhh?
MOM: Okay, help me sign up for an account.
ME: ... What? Why!?
MOM: *Proceeds to tell me about the story of her friend & how she met her new husband* ...So I want to see if I can find anyone too.
ME: *Unwillingly helps only because her mom already snatched the laptop away*

1.)
MOM: Hehe, I'll just put that I was born in 1979.
ME: Mom! You can't lie about your age!
MOM: Why not? I don't want to put that I was born on 1964. They'll know that I'm old.
ME: Mom.. are you trying to be a cradle-robber?
MOM: Huh? What about cradles?
ME: Nevermind. The point is, you want to find someone that's CLOSE to your age. You don't want to look for guys in their 30's!
MOM: Fine, I'll just put that I was born on 1970 then.
ME: ...MOM!

2.)
"What ethnicities would you be willing to accept as matches? Check all that apply."
ME: *Proceeds to click on the "No preference" option*
MOM: No! Don't put that one!
ME: Why not?
MOM: *Whispers* I don't want to date an African-American or Arab.
ME: Mom, stop being racist. And why are you whispering??
MOM: *Normal voice* I don't know. Just don't put that. I want you to click "Asian/Pacific Islander", "Chinese", "Korean", & "Japanese".
ME: *Sigh*

3.)
"How well do the following words describe your physical appearance?"
Options: Not at all, Somewhat, Very well
ME: Stylish?
MOM: Very Well
ME: Attractive?
MOM: Well, since you won't let me put that I was born on 1979 then I say "Not at all". I'm old now, I'm not attractive anymore.
ME: Aww, mom. I'll just put "Somewhat"
MOM: *Smacks me in the back of my head*
ME: Ow!! What was that for!?
MOM: You're saying I'm ugly, huh? Put "Very well"!
ME: *Cringing* Overweight?
MOM: *Glares*
ME: *Clicks on "Not at all"

4.) WHAT DO THESE WORDS MEAN?
a.
MOM: What does "frugal" mean?
ME: It means you're cheap.
MOM: *Offended* What!? I'm not cheap!
ME: Nooo. Not as a person. *Gives her an example of someone who is frugal*
MOM: Ohh! I see. *Clicks on "Very Well"* I'm Filipino, I like my sales.
b.
MOM: What is "boosy?"
ME: Boosy?
MOM: Yes, it says "boosy".
ME: *Looks at laptop screen* Mom, it's "BOSSY" not "BOOSY"
MOM: Oh, okay. *Clicks on "Not at all"*
ME: Mom, no lying on this thing, remember?
MOM: What? I'm not lying!
c.
MOM: "Flower"? Oh, yeah I like flowers.
ME: Mom, it says "follower".
MOM: Oh! Duh Marlyn (her name). Flowers is f-l-o-w-e-r-s. Oh yeah, I guess I am a follower. I follow the flow of traffic.
ME: ...yeah.

*15 minutes later*
MOM: Ay nako! This is taking too long! So many questions! I don't want to do this anymore!
ME: Mom, you're like 95% done. Just finish it. Because if you quit now, then you just wasted 15 minutes of my life with this thing.

5.)
MOM: "I have a high desire for sexual activity. Not at all, somewhat, or very well." What does that mean?
ME: Eeewwww! Man, this sucks.
MOM: Ohhh! *Hyena laugh* I know now.

Sooo.

20 minutes later, we finally finish & get to the results! Probably the worst 20 minutes I've ever spent. It was torture. & the end result?

"Unable To Match You At This Time. Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time."

MOM: What!? Ayyyy! I did all this for nothing!?

FML.